BUDGET PROPOSAL: THE MOST ABSURD HOLIDAY CIRCUS EVER

Written By Mitchell Abbott

DISCLAIMER: 100% CERTIFIED COMEDY GOLD. DO NOT TAKE SERIOUSLY UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

Totally Serious (Not) Budget Breakdown

Completely Legitimate (Totally Fake) Expenses

Costume Madness

  • Oversized Diaper Engineering: $1,500

    • Includes industrial-strength elastic

    • Guaranteed to make HR lawyers cry

    • Comes with built-in cringe factor

Stage Setup of Questionable Sanity

  • Toddler Destruction Zone Tent: $3,000

    • Includes emergency cleanup crew

    • Soundproofing for inevitable temper tantrums

    • Hazard insurance (MANDATORY)

Talent Acquisition

  • Big Baby Mitchell Performance Fee: $2,500

    • Includes therapy sessions

    • Compensation for public embarrassment

    • Lifetime supply of adult-sized pacifiers

Marketing Brilliance

  • Social Media Cringe Campaign: $800

    • Guaranteed to break the internet

    • Viral potential: Maximum awkwardness

Miscellaneous WTF Expenses

  • Lawyer Retainer: $1,000

    • For inevitable lawsuits

    • Includes “What Were We Thinking?” clause

Total Budget of Absolute Madness: $12,800

Performance Guarantee:

  • 100% Chance of Secondhand Embarrassment

  • Unlimited Potential for Awkward Memories

  • Guaranteed to make your family reunions seem normal

Authorized By:
The Department of Completely Inappropriate Ideas

Warning: Viewing this budget may cause uncontrollable laughter, existential crisis, and permanent psychological damage

Mitchell Abbott
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