Spinning Wheel: Finding Sacred Purpose in Our Darkest Moments

“So Cold” by Mahalo and DLMT featuring Lily Denning

“So Cold” by Mahalo and DLMT featuring Lily Denning

Assignment: Spiritual Reflection on Thirteen

As we listen to the haunting echoes of “So Cold” by Mahalo and DLMT featuring Lily Denning, we are invited to dive beneath the surface of our comfortable illusions—to acknowledge those moments when we, like Tracy in Thirteen, find ourselves spinning on life’s carousel, screaming silently while the world continues its relentless rotation.

Sacred Disruption

Your assignment is to watch the 2003 film Thirteen, paying particular attention to the final scene where Tracy (Evan Rachel Wood) rides the spinning carousel—her blonde hair whipping around her face as she screams, her life utterly transformed from the studious, innocent girl we met at the beginning. This moment represents what Ecclesiastes 1:14 describes as “chasing after the wind”—a profound emptiness that comes from seeking fulfillment in the wrong places.

In your reflection (4-5 pages), consider how Tracy’s journey mirrors Solomon’s lament: “I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after wind.” Tracy’s desperate pursuit of acceptance, her willingness to abandon her authentic self, and her final moment of raw anguish on the carousel embody this ancient wisdom.

Breaking Through Personal Illusions

Reflect on your own “thirteen era”—a time when you felt pulled toward destructive choices in search of belonging or identity. This doesn’t need to be from your actual teenage years; many of us experience these moments of profound vulnerability and misguided searching well into adulthood.

• When have you found yourself metaphorically spinning on that carousel, screaming inside while maintaining a carefully constructed exterior?

• What artificial boundaries or monochrome makeup (to borrow from “So Cold”) did you apply to fit into systems that ultimately weakened your inherent wholeness?

• How did this experience create what Proverbs 14:12 calls “a way that appears to be right, but in the end leads to death”?

Conservative Impulse as Spiritual Counterbalance

Young conservatives often emerge from their own “thirteen eras”—moments when the prevailing cultural current threatens to wash them away into what feels like moral chaos. Consider how Tracy’s mother Melanie represents the struggle between permissiveness and protection, between freedom and boundaries.

Examine how conservative impulses might serve as a spiritual anchor against the cold currents that Tracy navigates without guidance. This isn’t about political ideology but about the sacred role of preservation and protection—what Scripture calls “ancient boundaries” (Proverbs 22:28) that shouldn’t be carelessly moved.

What “ancient boundaries” might have protected Tracy? What boundaries protect us when we face our own moments of profound vulnerability and temptation?

Divine Technology Within

Your reflection should conclude with how you found your way back from your “thirteen era”—or how you’re still navigating it. As the lyrics of “So Cold” suggest, we often need “a purpose or a God that we can worship” to find our way when we hit rock bottom.

What sacred disruptions—painful as they may have been—served as cosmic alarms awakening you from collective slumber? How did you reclaim your authentic voice when, like Tracy, you had nearly lost it completely?

Remember, true spirituality isn’t an escape from life’s magnificent complexity but a deeper immersion into it. Together, we are remembering who we truly are beyond limiting stories and identities.

With profound love and reverence for your journey,

Mitchell Royel